my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
