We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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