Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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