i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
