so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
