If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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