this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
