I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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