id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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