(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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