We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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