if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize