Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
