I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
