You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Alive.
So much puke
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
