Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
