Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
