don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
