When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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