everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
