Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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