when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
