Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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