just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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