New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
