My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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