Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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