covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
