I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A+ Viking dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
