You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize