So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
