I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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