like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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