Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
