I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
