I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
