Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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