I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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