You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
