i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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