My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
