I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
