holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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