Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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