i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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