so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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