is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
