great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
