if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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