I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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