that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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