I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
