Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize