He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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