So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
