well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
