"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
