My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
