My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
