if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
