i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
